he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
