oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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