so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
