god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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