Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
