we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just invented taco cereal.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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