I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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