What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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