drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
