I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize