lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
