i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
