Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
