You can't motorboat a personality
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
