i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
