I feel like I'm in dance class right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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