Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
