Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We need to get me chipped asap
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
