we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were trust falling into bushes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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