your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
