Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
