I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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