Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
