FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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