Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
