It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do vagina's smell?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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