Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
