I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Congratulations! We have a period
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize