May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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