just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
