take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
