Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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