Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
