you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
