It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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