I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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