I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
