I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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