xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
