I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize