What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
