I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
