Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
