After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
