Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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