So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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