what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
