Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
