Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
