Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
