I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
