it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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