Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize