Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
