how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
even my farts smell like vagina
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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