I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
