oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
