He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
