just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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