Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
