there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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