Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
