I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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