You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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