I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You ruined the universe
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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