There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
