this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
