Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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