So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
