i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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