We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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