Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
