just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
